Pregnancy

So far being pregnant has been the most facinating thing I have ever experienced! It's also the most un-normal I have ever felt in my entire life! The best way that I can describe how I feel is like this...it's like I'm sick but I'm not sick. I just feel uncomfortable in my own body, if that makes any sense at all. I'm trying to decide at this point if I even like being pregnant. Some women love it and then some don't enjoy it at all. I think it's the skinny ones that enjoy it because they can eat WHATEVER they want and don't have to worry too much about gaining too much weight. Us fat ones can't even tell we're pregnant or don't even feel comfortable telling people we are pregnant until the baby is big enough to strech out the fat rolls and be seen. UGH! I'm just curious if I will ever feel the way I did pre-pregnancy? It may just be because I'm short and I don't have much room between my boobs and my pelvic bone so I just feel like everything is squished! I don't know! The sad thing is...I have 21 more weeks to go and if I'm already not enjoying this completely...what's next? Is incessant complaining a sign of being pregnant too or is it just me?

Okay....it's official...I AM FREAKED OUT!!!

Yeah, I was just checking out one of my sister's best friends blogs because she's having a baby about the same time as me and she's really good about updating her page so you know what's going on...unlike me! HEHE Anyway, so I was reading her last blog and I happened to notice a blog from one of her friends http://genesis12one.blogspot.com/2008/11/nursing-babies-sleep-schedules.html so I decided to click on it and I read it. OMG!!!!! I am soooo freaked out! I am a total worry wart anyway and I'm freaked out about becoming a mommy for the first time and I read about breast-feeding and bleeding boobies and all the other stories of the moms that can relate and I AM FREAKED OUT!!! I don't want to "figure it out" by the time I'm a mom for the 3rd time. I know that being a mom and learning what your baby needs is by trial and error but I have to figure it out before hand...that's a must! Otherwise, I'm going to be clueless! I guess I actually feel like I'll be the only mother out there that didn't have a clue what they were doing until they did it. My sister breastfed both of her beautiful babies and I'm guessing she spared me from all of the gory details. Maybe she didn't have any gory details to tell but it seems like there are people out there that do! Why did my curiosity have to get the best of me? I was doing okay in the anxiety department until today. I'm really starting to believe that the most important person that any mom can depend on is God! I have to trust that he made me to be able to produce and handle anything that my baby is going to need from me. I really thought that I'd be more worried about childbirth but that's like no big deal when you think about the life you'll be responsible for after the fact. I guess I'll go take a chill pill now and relax!

WE'RE HAVING A BABY BOY!!!

Well, it's official!!! We're having a little baby boy! We're going to name him Jonah Levi!

One Fan

Well, I guess since I'm almost into my second trimester that I should announce that I'm expecting on here. Oddly, since the only person that reads my blog is my sister, I haven't really felt like it's a priority to put it on here since she already knows. Since the intial shock of our good news, I think I am finally at a point where I've accepted that I'm having a baby and that my world though it's changing slowly now is going to drastically change in the coming months. My due date is April 12, 2009 which, coincidentally happens to be Easter. I know that most children either come before or after their due dates but either way, we'll be happy. People keep asking Justin and I whether we care what the baby's sex is, which is really frustrating at times because...WE DON'T CARE. As long as the baby is healthy and has all 10 fingers and toes, two eyes, two ears, a mouth and nose, we're good. It might be different, if we already had a boy or a girl, but for now we are completely content with whatever God chooses to bless us with.

I've heard it's terrible to stress while pregnant but I can't seem to get the future off my mind. I think about discipline, love, providing, college, everything and I can't seem to look far enough ahead to really have any idea what to expect. I've only been able to see from the outside looking in. That's clearly not helping much. I guess you really don't figure it out until you're knee deep and/or drowning, even then you may just be starting to see the bigger picture. I can't help but feel this overwhelming sense of dread when it comes to being a parent. I have always been a perfectionist and whenever I don't succeed at something, I feel like a complete and total failure. I know that I am going to fail miserably as a parent at times and I just hope that I can cope with that. I'm worried about being too tough or too lenient or not strong enough or being vunerable. Is this what being a parent is all about? Is this God's system of checks and balances? If we are always struggling to know and do what is best for our little ones, then do we really strive to be and do what's best for them? I'm so fortunate to have a family full of experience women. I have already found a little peace of mind through converstations with my sister. I never dreamed, in a million years, that I would be taking advice from my sister on parenting or children. I always imagined that it would be the other way around. Either way, I'm very grateful! Enough stress talk for now...

According to What To Expect When You are Expecting, our baby is about 2 inches big, from head to rump. We got to see the baby in a sonogram and hear it's heartbeat on Monday Sept. 15. That was an amazing experience! Justin and I were both in awe of what we saw and heard. It sealed the deal for both of us that we were really "Pregnant." It's just really amazing how much a baby can change your life even before they are here. So this is Momma Channing, signing off.

Cleaning...ugh!

Well, I just finished washing my kitchen floor by hand. It's been really dirty for quite some time now but I've just been too lazy to clean it and a regular moping just won't get it clean enough. My neice Hailey helped me finish it.

Now I've gotta tackle Mount Busch that's been piling up in my bedroom. I don't know what it is about folding and putting away clean laundry that has me stunted but it does. *Sigh* I know I'm not the only person that feels that way. I just wish there was some way that I could do a load from start to finish without hesitation or reserve. Maybe it's the whole, 8-step process that makes it difficult to want to finish. First you have to gather all the dirty laundry, then seperate the clothes by color, then put them in the washer, then wait for the washer to finish, then (when you remember) put the clothes from the washer to the dryer, then wait for them to finish drying, then you have to fold or hang them, then you have to put them up. By the time I finish all of those steps, I've lost sight of the goal and have moved on to something a little more "time gratifying." The sad thing is that right now, most of my laundry is clean, it just needs to be hung up or folded and then put away. I can't seem to get the motivation necessary to make that happen. Oh well, enough complaining about my laziness.

I'm going to try and tackle my bathroom sometime this weekend. ***Interesting fact: Blonde's have more hair folicles than brunettes.*** With that being said and me being a blonde, I find that my hair falls out in larger quantities than most so it's ALL over the place. It's a pain to clean hair up off the floor, as most of you women know. I've found that using a vacuum is the best way to get rid of hair on the floor. If you try to use the broom, it gets stuck to the bristles and then you have to remove the hair balls and put them in trash or toilet. Gross! The vacuum is just more sanitary to me. Then there's the toilet, sinks, and bath tub/shower that need to be cleaned. By the time I finally get to these areas of my bathroom, I start to feel overwhelmed and want to quit. But no one will do it for me so I usually continue until the task is done. All this to say, I'm not looking forward to cleaning this weekend. It's just one of those necessary evils in life.

6 Quirky Things About Me

1. I'm completely grossed out by the thought of eating or drinking out of dirty dishes. I have to inspect every dish or utensil for spots and if it's got something on it, I have to wash it before I can use it.

2. I am not ashamed to tell someone if they have something on their face or in their teeth. I like to look into people's eyes when I'm talking to them. But when they have something on their face or in their teeth, that's all I can think about when I should be listening. (I carry a mirror in my purse for instances such as these.)

3. I love to be creative but I have a really hard time finishing projects.

4. I always wash my face, hair, and body, in that order, every time I take a shower otherwise I'll forget to do one of them.

5. I graduated high school 8 years ago and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

6. My biggest fears are to die of asphyxiation, being alone, and losing people that I love.

It's about time!

Well, hello oblivion. I've been wanting to write a blog for some time now and I just haven't made the time to sit down and create one. So here it is... When my sister first asked me to create a blogging site, I thought there's no way I can find anything to write about in my meaningless, boring existence. But since I created my profile, all I've been thinking about is what I can write about and there's too much to say all at one time. Ahhhh! When I think about the massive amount of "stuff" that I want to get off my chest, I get this feeling of stop-loss. It's the same feeling I get when I think about cleaning my house room-by-room. I'll start with one room and low and behold there will be something from the next room in that room so in an effort to create order, I move it to the other room. Then the next thing I know I'm in the other room finding plenty of things to rearrange or clean and before I know it, I've lost control of my ability to compartmentalize. I was supposed to be in the original room until it was clean but here I am clear on the other end of the house trying to figure out if I have made any progress at all. Let me explain why I think this happens. See when I was a child, the doctor's told my mom that I was ADD and for the longest time I didn't know what that meant. I mean, what child doesn't have a problem with sitting still or concentrating. But as I get older, my inability to stay focused on the task at hand, finishing a project, or managing to read a book without being distracted by the least noise, is visible proof of that defect. It's a miracle that I'm even on topic now. I'm sure there are other women in this world that feel the same way that I do and maybe it's normal. But for me, there's this huge feeling of being overwhelmed that makes me stagnate and unable to move forward. The sad thing is that I have never really been able to rise above this very often and it's very discouraging. For now, I just try to take it slow and realize that the same mess will be there tomorrow if I can't get to it today. After all, life isn't about having a clean house, it's about living life saving the unimportant details (a super clean house) by the wayside to enjoy the rest. I hope to be able to express myself in future blogs and I appogize if I lose sight of the topic at hand. I'll just blame it on the ADD for now. Til next time!