Jonah!

My, my how time flies! As you can see it's been a while since my last post. It's been 5 months and a week today since the little baby I was fretting about came into my life and turned it upside down for the better. Oh how I love him so much! He makes we want to be a better mom, wife, daughter, sister, cousin, just basically a better person altogether. I was so scared about having Jonah that it consumed most of my thoughts in the last few weeks before I had him. But within a few hours of having him all of those "fears" went away. No doubt, a who other set of fears came into mind after he was born...but none of the same anxious thoughts about being a mom were there anymore. There have been so many moments of joy and lots of joyous tears and a few frustrated tears shed since he came into our lives. All in all, I would recommend having a baby to EVERY woman I come into contact with. It's the closest thing to heaven and hell in my opinion. Loving someone so much that you would die for them is a blessing and agony all at the same time. Being Jonah's mommy is the greatest joy I have ever experienced in my life so far.

My husband has become a "new" creation since having Jonah. I always knew he had the potential to be a great daddy but since he came from a home without one, I was skeptical. He has risen above and beyond my expectations as a father to Jonah! I cannot imagine raising Jonah without him. The moment the nurse handed Jonah to him, Justin fell in love and it's something he proves to Jonah everyday! I'm so thankful and so blessed! I can't wait to see what God has in store for my wonderful expanded family!!!

Waiting patiently...

for my little boy to arrive! I'm excited, scared, and ready all at the same time. His crib is ready, the clothes are washed, his bag is packed, mine's almost there, now is just the waiting period. I believe that I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions but being a FTM, I'm not really sure what they feel like. It seems today as if my son has dropped a couple of inches from where he normally is but that could just be wishful thinking. It's a little bit discouraging when family and friends are saying things like "you haven't had that baby yet?" and "he'll probably come late." I know that everything will happen in due time because God knows when he's ready and when I'm ready. If feel so blessed to have had such a wonderful pregnancy and I know that Jonah is going to rock my world for the better!

Baby Hiccups

Awww! I think Jonah had the hiccups today. I was sitting here and I kept feeling these methodical movements, not like any gouge I've been feeling, so I assume they are hiccups. Michael encouraged me to blog about this so that I'll remember it.

She also shared a HILARIOUS story about one of her babies having the hiccups that almost made me pee in my pants at work. Thanks, Sis! I love you!

Pregnancy

So far being pregnant has been the most facinating thing I have ever experienced! It's also the most un-normal I have ever felt in my entire life! The best way that I can describe how I feel is like this...it's like I'm sick but I'm not sick. I just feel uncomfortable in my own body, if that makes any sense at all. I'm trying to decide at this point if I even like being pregnant. Some women love it and then some don't enjoy it at all. I think it's the skinny ones that enjoy it because they can eat WHATEVER they want and don't have to worry too much about gaining too much weight. Us fat ones can't even tell we're pregnant or don't even feel comfortable telling people we are pregnant until the baby is big enough to strech out the fat rolls and be seen. UGH! I'm just curious if I will ever feel the way I did pre-pregnancy? It may just be because I'm short and I don't have much room between my boobs and my pelvic bone so I just feel like everything is squished! I don't know! The sad thing is...I have 21 more weeks to go and if I'm already not enjoying this completely...what's next? Is incessant complaining a sign of being pregnant too or is it just me?

Okay....it's official...I AM FREAKED OUT!!!

Yeah, I was just checking out one of my sister's best friends blogs because she's having a baby about the same time as me and she's really good about updating her page so you know what's going on...unlike me! HEHE Anyway, so I was reading her last blog and I happened to notice a blog from one of her friends http://genesis12one.blogspot.com/2008/11/nursing-babies-sleep-schedules.html so I decided to click on it and I read it. OMG!!!!! I am soooo freaked out! I am a total worry wart anyway and I'm freaked out about becoming a mommy for the first time and I read about breast-feeding and bleeding boobies and all the other stories of the moms that can relate and I AM FREAKED OUT!!! I don't want to "figure it out" by the time I'm a mom for the 3rd time. I know that being a mom and learning what your baby needs is by trial and error but I have to figure it out before hand...that's a must! Otherwise, I'm going to be clueless! I guess I actually feel like I'll be the only mother out there that didn't have a clue what they were doing until they did it. My sister breastfed both of her beautiful babies and I'm guessing she spared me from all of the gory details. Maybe she didn't have any gory details to tell but it seems like there are people out there that do! Why did my curiosity have to get the best of me? I was doing okay in the anxiety department until today. I'm really starting to believe that the most important person that any mom can depend on is God! I have to trust that he made me to be able to produce and handle anything that my baby is going to need from me. I really thought that I'd be more worried about childbirth but that's like no big deal when you think about the life you'll be responsible for after the fact. I guess I'll go take a chill pill now and relax!

WE'RE HAVING A BABY BOY!!!

Well, it's official!!! We're having a little baby boy! We're going to name him Jonah Levi!

One Fan

Well, I guess since I'm almost into my second trimester that I should announce that I'm expecting on here. Oddly, since the only person that reads my blog is my sister, I haven't really felt like it's a priority to put it on here since she already knows. Since the intial shock of our good news, I think I am finally at a point where I've accepted that I'm having a baby and that my world though it's changing slowly now is going to drastically change in the coming months. My due date is April 12, 2009 which, coincidentally happens to be Easter. I know that most children either come before or after their due dates but either way, we'll be happy. People keep asking Justin and I whether we care what the baby's sex is, which is really frustrating at times because...WE DON'T CARE. As long as the baby is healthy and has all 10 fingers and toes, two eyes, two ears, a mouth and nose, we're good. It might be different, if we already had a boy or a girl, but for now we are completely content with whatever God chooses to bless us with.

I've heard it's terrible to stress while pregnant but I can't seem to get the future off my mind. I think about discipline, love, providing, college, everything and I can't seem to look far enough ahead to really have any idea what to expect. I've only been able to see from the outside looking in. That's clearly not helping much. I guess you really don't figure it out until you're knee deep and/or drowning, even then you may just be starting to see the bigger picture. I can't help but feel this overwhelming sense of dread when it comes to being a parent. I have always been a perfectionist and whenever I don't succeed at something, I feel like a complete and total failure. I know that I am going to fail miserably as a parent at times and I just hope that I can cope with that. I'm worried about being too tough or too lenient or not strong enough or being vunerable. Is this what being a parent is all about? Is this God's system of checks and balances? If we are always struggling to know and do what is best for our little ones, then do we really strive to be and do what's best for them? I'm so fortunate to have a family full of experience women. I have already found a little peace of mind through converstations with my sister. I never dreamed, in a million years, that I would be taking advice from my sister on parenting or children. I always imagined that it would be the other way around. Either way, I'm very grateful! Enough stress talk for now...

According to What To Expect When You are Expecting, our baby is about 2 inches big, from head to rump. We got to see the baby in a sonogram and hear it's heartbeat on Monday Sept. 15. That was an amazing experience! Justin and I were both in awe of what we saw and heard. It sealed the deal for both of us that we were really "Pregnant." It's just really amazing how much a baby can change your life even before they are here. So this is Momma Channing, signing off.